North Korean spy Won Jeong Hwa, who was nabbed in July using her feminine wiles to coax state secrets out of South Korean officials, has been sentenced to five years imprisonment.

Won, who had potentially faced life in prison, had admitted in court to her guilt. She spoke in a soft voice at hearings and asked for leniency so that she can be reunited with the 7-year-old daughter she had with a businessman in China.

But prosecutors said she is hardly the meek woman who appeared in court.

They submitted pictures showing scars they said she received in commando training in the North.

South Korean media said Won tried to assassinate a South Korean military officer in Hong Kong using an aphrodisiac laced with poison but failed.

She also tried but failed to meet and assassinate Hwang Jang-yop, former North Korean communist party ideology chief and the highest-ranking North Korean to defect, reports said.

While these details are salacious and all, I really love the comment issued by North Korean officials.

The North’s official media denounced her as a traitor for leaving the country and said: “(Won is) human scum crazy for money, vanity and swindling.”

Sounds like me…

Mwahahahaha! I returned home from Mom’s to discover that the power is back on in our apartment. You know what this means- with Musashi currently powerless, that means I am the new tyrant ruler of Yellow Menace! Mwhahahahahaha!

…oh, hi Mazinga.

For my first act as tyrant ruler I decree that all my subjects shall read this fascinating article about the highly controversial and disturbing Hello Kitty Vibrator:

Link

MSNBC’s Sexploration column discusses the mainstreaming of otaku fetishism, of all things - although they neatly overstep the twin-headed viper that is yaoi / yuri (unlike us, who unceasingly stare into the abyss so that we may spare you the horrors within…).

Guess that would’ve really scared the curious onlookers peeking in from the safety of their cubicle farms.

When anime conventions started in the U.S. back in the mid-1990s, the main demographic was mostly Asian college-age male students, says 32-year-old otaku expert Lawrence Eng. “Now, at least 50 percent are female,” he says. “Fandom itself is more diverse than ever.”

Within the adult realm of otaku culture, cuteness is fetishized (hence the Hello Kitty sex toys) and gender is often bent or dissolves altogether. Women are penetrated by octopi and young women in short school-girl skirts save the world. Men, on the other hand, are often passive worshipers of small figurines depicting sexy characters.

Ah, the miracles of science. Putting humanity on the moon was small potatoes. If you want real miracles look no further. It is now possible to get your grandmother (or your wife’s grandmother, as the case may be) pregnant without fucking her. Yes, in years past if you wanted your grams to bear your offspring, a sweaty night in the sack was the only way to go about it. Now, thanks to the wonders of in-vitro fertilization, grandma-fucking is a thing of the past.

No guarantees that your circle of friends will speak to you afterwards, however. Just look at this recent example:

In a “miracle” that has stunned one of the world’s fastest-aging societies, a 61-year old Japanese woman has given birth to her own grandchild, sparking renewed calls for the entire process of surrogacy to be banned in Japan.

The unnamed woman, who is now thought to hold the record as the oldest Japanese woman ever to give birth successfully, undertook the controversial treatment at the Suwa Maternity Clinic – an institution that has already sparked fierce debate over the rights and wrongs of surrogate motherhood.

Despite the evident joy and relief of both mother and daughter, there remains a strong vein of disapproval over surrogacy in Japan: there is currently no legislation specifically outlawing the practice, but a panel convened by the government earlier in the year recommended an outright ban. It went further, demanding punishments for everyone involved in the surrogacy except the mother herself.

Musashi and Mazinga post awesome news about games, films, sweet reviews and the hottest news from Asia.

I, on the other hand, post stories about people having sex with inanimate objects.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/2544920/Man-who-had-sex-with-park-bench-cut-free.html

To summarize, a Hong Kong resident tried to have sex with a park bench. He inserted his penis into a hole in the bench but was unable to remove it once he became aroused. It took authorities 4 hours to cut him free.

And the kicker? They had to remove the bench from the park and take it to the hospital, with the man still, er…attached. How did they maneuver it into a van? Did they duct tape him to the bench so he didn’t fall when they lifted it? Inquiring minds want to know!

I feel slightly sorry for the guy, since he is described as ‘lonely and disturbed’…but seriously dude, you tried to get laid by a park bench.

Wow - you know things are getting touchy when a political spat leads to the removal of Japanese condom ads from Korean subway cars. It’s not as pithy as ‘Freedom Fries’, but it’s definitely up there. Korea and Japan are currently in some sort of Falklands-like squabble over a pair of islands in the Sea of Japan - no word on whether or not the Dharma Initiative was carrying out experiments on either of these islands, but apparently both countries feel they’re important enough to pull condom ads off public transportation in protest.

The mere mention of the territory - known as the Takeshima islands in Japan and Dokdo in South Korea - was enough to inflame nationalists in Seoul, who pelted the Japanese embassy with rotten eggs and tomatoes yesterday.

Seoul Metro, which operates subway trains in the capital, said it had informed Okamoto, the condoms’ maker, of its decision to remove the posters.

“Having condom ads in a public space might not be acceptable for some people. Secondly, there is an anti-Japanese sentiment brewing among citizens over the Dokdo issue,” it said.

I think this might actually be secretly brilliant. Condoms prevent pregnancy. If people don’t know about condoms, they’ll make more babies. More babies = more people you can draft into military service. More Korean soldiers =  Japan has to give up islands. Combine this with Japan’s steadily decreasing birth-rate, and you’ve got a first-rate military strategy on your hands.

I think most of us can wait another 20-30 years for our robot sex. After all, by then the robots will actually look and feel like real people…and then you won’t feel like you’re sleeping with a toaster, or in the case of Sega’s new E.M.A., a de-furred Furby. But not the Japanese! No, they have designed the E.M.A. (or Eternal Maiden Actualisation) to saunter around like a one-foot-tall plastic succubus and deliver chaste kisses on command. See below if you don’t believe me! And then tell me these things don’t need another 20 years in the sex-bot incubator.