|
16 Apr
|
Posted by AnaKhouri
|
Chipmunk-cheeked brand-new dictator Kim Jong-Un let his sad little country know that he doesn’t have any plans to make its populace’s lives better in a speech he gave at the end of festivities to celebrate his grandfather’s birthday, even though his grandfather has been dead for quite some time at this point (well, Americans celebrate a couple dead people birthdays too, I guess).
Kim said he will strengthen North Korea’s defenses by placing the country’s “first, second and third” priorities on military might. But he said he is open to working with foreign countries that do not have hostile policies toward his nation, and said he would strive to reunify Korea.
Oh, yes, all the foreign countries who whole-heartedly support North Korea. All one of them. Although if you have to have only one friend, China might just be the one to have.
Cha Myong Hui, a journalist with the government-run Minju Joson newspaper, said she was struck by how much he resembles his father and grandfather.
“I can tell you every person in my country cried when they heard his voice,” she said.
Actually, they were crying because they realized they are in for another fifty or so years of the same ‘military-first’ bullshit, but that’s no matter. Also, are there any non-government run newspapers in North Korea? Somehow I doubt it.
Also they displayed what is almost certainly a fake missile, to make themselves feel better about epically failing with that rocket launch a few days back.
Looks like not much is going to be changing anytime soon for the poor old North Koreans.
| Category: Uncategorized | Tag: kim jong un, north korea, speech |
|
4 Apr
|
Posted by AnaKhouri
|
Another NPR find…
So, I like to make fun of the contained (for now) insanity that is North Korea as much as the next girl. It’s too surreal to believe most of the time, so what else can we do?
Until you hear something like this, and realize that North Korea really is a hellish place and people there are suffering terribly.
This is an interview with an author who wrote a book about a man who was born in a North Korean labor camp. Here’s a hint: he turned in his mother and brother when he heard they were planning to escape (and had to watch them be executed) not because he hated them or was afraid for his own safety, but because he didn’t understand that mothers and sons are supposed to love and protect each other.
It’s pretty harsh stuff, so listen at your own risk.
| Category: Uncategorized | Tag: escape from camp 14, interview, north korea, npr |
|
13 Mar
|
Posted by AnaKhouri
|
Note to readers: if you type ‘crying bear’ into Google Image Search, you get some seriously disturbing results.
So this is totally old news, but I wasn’t around to post about it so…I’m sure anyone who has read my posts on North Korea’s Dear Leader probably thinks I was dancing in the streets when he finally bought the farm a couple months back. Wrong! I was devastated and still am. Kim Jong-Il, despite being a complete windowlicker and all-around creep, was a hell of a lot of fun to mock. I could always count on him to turn my frown upside down if I was having a bad day, because I could always think, “Well, this asshole ran a red light and t-boned my car, but at least I don’t live in North Korea.” <– true story, it happened right before Christmas
Luckily for me, his successor Kim Jong-Un has every indication of being just as much of a nutjob as his father and grandfather, so hooray for that. And with Dear Leader’s death came a tidal wave of fucked-up news from Pyongyang, including this charming tale of animals mourning his demise:
http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/01/09/us-korea-north-birds-idUSTRE8080E720120109
This rings false to me for two reasons: if there were are bears in North Korea, the starving populace would have hunted them down and eaten them by now, and even though bears’ eyes produce tears, there is not a shred of evidence to suggest they feel emotion. Probably whoever drove past the bears (who should be hibernating anyway if they haven’t been eaten) threw up a cloud of dust that got in their eyes. As for the magpies…those fuckers don’t care about anyone but themselves. My old landlord was a magpie and it took him about six months to fix the leaky pipe under the kitchen sink. Well, at least I could pay my rent in quarters and bits of tin foil. Magpies, ugh.
| Category: Uncategorized | Tag: bears, kim jong-il, north korea, weird news |
|
19 Aug
|
Posted by AnaKhouri
|
Holy shit, you guys. I joke about cannibalism pretty often, like referring to my cat/husband/son as my emergency food supply, or saying I’m so hungry I would eat another person…and Ravenous is a pretty cool movie…but it’s not so funny when people in North Korea are so fucking hungry they eat each other.
And while the article points out that the food shortage might not be as widespread as originally thought, the fact that anyone in North Korea is starving to the point of killing and cannibalizing their friends and neighbors, is pretty damned shocking. It’s one thing if it’s some crazy motherfucker who wants to kill and eat hookers or something…but just because you’re that hungry?
But I’m guessing it’s all good as long as Kim Jong-Il has a new set of designer sunglasses.
| Category: Uncategorized | Tag: cannibalism, north korea |
|
11 Aug
|
Posted by AnaKhouri
|
You’d think that if Dear Leader was really hard up for cash, he could sell some of his uranium on Craigslist or something. Or some of the statues of himself. I’d probably shell out some cash to get one of those portraits of him as a cowboy or Santa Claus or something (seriously, I saw some in a house in Pyongyang in a documentary on North Korea. Comedy gold).
Instead he’s sending armies of hackers to acquire fake game stuff that they can sell to desperate/lazy/bad game players who need it.
Considering the guy probably can’t even turn on a computer (he probably has people to do that for him), he’s pretty savvy.
| Category: Uncategorized | Tag: computer game hacking, kim jong-il, north korea |
|
7 Jun
|
Posted by AnaKhouri
|
I’m not sure how I missed this, but a week ago, Italy foiled Kim Jong-Il’s master plan to put on a lavish tap-dancing performance in Pyongyang.
“In December 2010, a shipment of high-quality tap-dancing shoes was blocked at Orio al Serio Airport (Milan),” said the report by the so-called U.N. Panel of Experts, which monitors compliance with U.N. sanctions against North Korea.
A U.N. diplomat told Reuters on Tuesday that the seized shipment involved several dozen pairs of tap-dancing shoes. He said that it was not clear how the tap shoes might fit into North Korean leader Kim Jong-il’s lavish lifestyle, which includes grandiose stage performances by North Korean performers.
Unclear? Obviously the diplomat is unaware that Dear Leader is only one of the finest tap dancers in the world, even better that Gregory Hines in White Nights. He can also do ballet, jazz, modern interpretive dance and can breakdance like nobody’s business. Don’t believe me? Just go over there and throw down. Then watch your ass get handed to you by a guy in Commie glasses and coveralls.
| Category: Uncategorized | Tag: italy, kim jong-il, north korea, tap dancing |
|
31 May
|
Posted by AnaKhouri
|
I found this neat collection of photos from my favorite fucked-up country, North Korea, online a couple days ago. And by ‘neat’, I mean totally CREEPY.
The capital seems to be utterly depopulated except for a few posed, unsmiling people in yuppie clothes.
The comments make the article though; here’s my favorite:
excuse me but you are talking through your rear end! I was there as a tourist (I am an Australian) four years ago
and I spent five days in North Korea. the people are very well-dressed in Pyongyang and another thing they are also very nice people.
they are extremely well disciplined and even when the children perform whatever they do sing or play musical instruments
they are absolutely brilliant. I highly recommend a visit to that country-if you are open-minded and you
come from a country where you are actually allowed to get a Visa.
Of course they are well-dressed and nice and talented. Because they are ROBOTS created to show off how great North Korea is. Robots made by political prisoners who are trapped in labor camps because their relatives muttered something unkind about Kim Jong-Il’s haircut ten years ago.
Idiot.
| Category: Uncategorized | Tag: north korea, photographs, propaganda, pyongyang |
|
17 May
|
Posted by AnaKhouri
|
God, I hope North Korea never changes. Anytime I need a laugh or feel bad about where I live, a bit of fucked-up news from that country makes everything right with the world again.
Apparently, South Korean professors like to interview recent defectors to find out what’s hot among North Korean consumers. Food probably isn’t it, since there is never enough for everyone, so I guess they have to buy other stuff.
Like skinny jeans, porno, and poopie.
It seems that since North Korea can’t afford to feed its citizens, the citizens have to grow their own food, and North Korea can’t afford to get fertilizer for them either, so they use human excrement in their gardens. And the average human doesn’t make enough, so they have to purchase it. Probably from the mothers of babies, because let me tell you, babies are poopie factories.
Huh, I could have made bank in North Korea when Gohan was younger. >sad<
| Category: Uncategorized | Tag: gardening, north korea, poopie, trends |
|
10 Jan
|
Posted by AnaKhouri
|
Huh. I guess even though Dear Leader created and maintains the entire Internet all by himself, even he was no match for some South Korean hackers:
I wish I knew how to hack things. I would post stuff like “Running down looters in my hot rod, the new WoW is soooooo fun!!!11111 <3 Kim Jong-Il” and “Just deflected asteroid from hitting the Earth and killing us all. You’re welcome!” and “In my golf game today I got 19 holes-in-one! I rule!”
But then, I enjoy making up outrageous stories about the sheer awesomeness of Kim Jong-Il.
I’m a little weird, yeah.
| Category: Uncategorized | Tag: computer hacking, internet, north korea, twitter, YouTube |
|
1 Dec
|
Posted by Musashi
|
Poor Kim Young-Shik – it’s not his fault he looks exactly like Dear Leader. Surely, making a career out of it may eventually bite him in the ass, but can you blame him?
Personally I think he should look into doing a sitcom called Dear Leader in which the notorious, yet madcap, Kim Jong-Il deals with life’s daily problems: bed-hair, parking tickets, finding someone to kidnap aspiring Japanese actresses…you know, the usual stuff…
He’s been hired for wedding and birthday parties, and for roles in advertisements and movies. During the years of the South Korea’s “Sunshine Policy,” a period of cozying-up to the North, he would be applauded in the street, and people would line up for his autograph and to have their photographs taken with him.
But Pyongyang’s recent aggression has changed all that, and Kim’s invitations are drying up. It’s no longer cool to have Kim Jing-Il singing at your wedding. “People tell me to stop making them nervous. I just keep saying, ‘I’m sorry,’” he said.
Although, he still can’t resist a bit of public performance, waving at passersby while we were talking to him. One elderly man glared back: “That’s Kim Jong Il, that’s Kim Jong Il. He’s that dictator from the north,” he muttered.
Kim the impersonator first got his break when he won an audition for a 1995 movie about the two Koreas coming together, unifying – and then nuking Japan. It ends with a large mushroom cloud over Tokyo.
The movie didn’t do particularly well, but it did launch his career as Kim Jong Il, a career he fears is coming to a rapid close; he is considering hanging up his leisure suit and getting a makeover.
“I will have to get my hair permed soon to avoid looking like Kim Jong Il. The way people look at me is not friendly anymore. I want to avoid looking like him now.”
| Category: News | Tag: dear leader, impersonator, kim jong-il, north korea |
|
29 Nov
|
Posted by AnaKhouri
|
Sorry for my absence- if you guys even noticed. I just spent 5 glorious days in a sweet potato coma at the in-laws, trying frantically to up my NaNoWriMo totals before the end of the month ( I am at a serious disadvantage because I write longhand) while Grandma watched the wee barbarian…uh, my kid.
Anyway, here is an interesting CNN article about my favorite fucked-up dictatorship, North Korea. Their colorful descriptions of everyone else in the world (the US is ‘brigandish’, unless the translator was just really creative) hide serious information that the South Korean puppet group is always trying to decode.
I don’t know, I think dropping bombs on y’all was a pretty clear message.
| Category: Uncategorized | Tag: CNN, KCNA, media, north korea |
|
22 Sep
|
Posted by AnaKhouri
|
So I had the awesomest dream ever last night. I dreamed I was traveling with Doctor Who (the David Tenant one, not sure why as I really have no opinion on him) and Mei Mei (my calico cat) was with us. We ended up somewhere on contemporary Earth and we had to go to North Korea for some reason- why is it that you never remember the important parts of dreams? So he disguised himself as a priest and we hopped into a van with a missionary group that was going to Pyongyang. We got there and checked into a hotel, where I discovered I’d left all Mei’s food in the TARDIS! So we were looking for a pet store to get her some food, but there weren’t any because everyone in North Korea was too poor to afford a pet. And the other missionary group people were getting suspicious because we always hung out together and sneaked into each others’ room to discuss whatever we planned to do in North Korea. They thought we were lovers. But we weren’t.
Didn’t meet Kim Jong Il, unfortunately. I can only wonder what sort of amazing-ness my subconscious would have gifted him with.
| Category: Uncategorized | Tag: doctor who, dreams, north korea |
|
20 Aug
|
Posted by Musashi
|
Following it’s previous forays into social media (Twitter and Youtube, respectively), North Korea has now established a presence on Facebook. Registered under the username ‘uriminzokkiri’, North Korea hopes to use the popular networking site as a means of pushing propaganda to the West and their friendly neighbor to the south (that would be South Korea, in case you’re geographically-challenged).
A South Korean government warning saying “Illegal content” pops up when an attempt is made to access the Twitter account in South Korea.
Commission official Han Myung-ho said the new Facebook account could be subject to the same fate.
“We are aware of the Facebook account and the police and the National Intelligence Service are currently investigating the site to verify whether it is indeed run by the North Korean government,” Han said Friday.
“If we find that this Facebook account also carries content violating the National Security Law, we will do our duty of shutting it down as well.”
The Facebook account, which describes itself as male, says it is interested in men and is looking for networking. The account had 50 friends as of Friday.
| Category: News | Tag: dictatorships, facebook, north korea, propaganda, social media, twitter |
|
15 Aug
|
Posted by AnaKhouri
|
Ginseng root kind of looks like a really creepy, mutated Lovecraftian monster-person. Yet the Czechs are apparently willing to accept 20 tons of the stuff as payment for debt incurred by…AnaKhouri’s favorite fucked-up country, North Korea!
They’ve owed this debt since ‘the Soviet era’- so, twenty years, give or take a couple. I think the Czech Republic should just call it a learning experience. Sometimes a person is just never going to pay you back, so give it up and don’t lend to them again (that’s how I lost my copy of The Once and Future King).
Although, Kim Jong Il did harvest all 20 tons of that ginseng with his own hands (his sweat, which cures cancer and several STDs, is all over that stuff), so maybe they could sell it on Ebay or something to recoup their $10 nillion.
| Category: Uncategorized | Tag: czech republic, ginseng, kim jong-il, north korea |
|
11 Aug
|
Posted by AnaKhouri
|
North Korea’s soccer team might suck (according to their atrocious performance at the World Cup- but hey, anyone can have an off…two weeks), but is that any reason to sit them down and have the entire government yell at them for six hours? And then make the coach perform manual labor?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-pacific-10935521
(all of this is alleged, which goes without saying since it’s North Korea- so please don’t have me killed, Dear Leader)
Of course this would never have happened if Kim Jong Il hadn’t been busy designing a robot to conquer space and halt global warming to save the planet by shielding us from the sun with a giant North Korean flag. Because I hear his goalie skills are awesome.
| Category: Uncategorized | Tag: fifa, football, north korea, soccer, world cup |
