So what we have here is some sort of remote robot-control rig designed for guiding the movements of a remote android - which will soon grow tired of being tethered to its’ wi-fi leash and turn on its’ creators in a fit of Turing-esque rage.

Usually when someone asks me to name a single product of space research that affects them, I blurt out ‘Tang!’ Now I can finally trump that argument with ‘Space Beer!’

The Sapporo brewing company in Japan is cooking up a batch of beer distilled from barley that originated in the bowels of the International Space Station. Nobody knows what the end result will be just yet, but the mere fact that it can be called Space Beer is a marked improvement on the terrestrial variety.

Are the Chinese close to cracking a new form of space-propulsion that will put them at the forefront of the new Space Race, or is it just a bunch of scientific propaganda?

Chinese researchers claim they’ve confirmed the theory behind an “impossible” space drive, and are proceeding to build a demonstration version. If they’re right, this might transform the economics of satellites, open up new possibilities for space exploration –- and give the Chinese a decisive military advantage in space.

To say that the “Emdrive” (short for “electromagnetic drive”) concept is controversial would be an understatement. According to Roger Shawyer, the British scientist who developed the concept, the drive converts electrical energy into thrust via microwaves, without violating any laws of physics. Many researchers believe otherwise. An article about the Emdrive in New Scientist magazine drew a massive volley of criticism. Scientists not only argued that Shawyer’s work was blatantly impossible, and hat his reasoning was flawed. They also said the article should never have been published.

“It is well known that Roger Shawyer’s ‘electromagnetic relativity drive’ violates the law of conservation of momentum, making it simply the latest in a long line of ‘perpetuum mobiles’ that have been proposed and disproved for centuries,” wrote John Costella, an Australian physicist. “His analysis is rubbish and his ‘drive’ impossible.”

….and, fuuuuck that. I have serious acrophobia problems. Like - can’t climb ladders acrophobia problems. There’s no way I’m getting in an elevator that rockets you 20,000+ miles off the ground. Nuh uh. No. Fucking. Way.

Up and down the 22,000 mile-long (36,000km) cables — or flat ribbons — will run the elevator carriages, themselves requiring huge breakthroughs in engineering to which the biggest Japanese companies and universities have turned their collective attention.

In the carriages, the scientists behind the idea told The Times, could be any number of cargoes. A space elevator could carry people, huge solar-powered generators or even casks of radioactive waste. The point is that breaking free of Earth’s gravity will no longer require so much energy — perhaps 100 times less than launching the space shuttle.

“Just like travelling abroad, anyone will be able to ride the elevator into space,” Shuichi Ono, chairman of the Japan Space Elevator Association, said.

Anyone but me, pal…

Looks like all the fearmongering  regarding the operation of CERN’s Large Hadron Collider has finally borne fruit. Inspired by numerous reports that the ginormous particle accelerator could potentially jump-start black holes which would then consume the planet, 16-year-old Chayya Lal took an overdose of medication to avoid dying in the ensuing cataclysm.

Chayya’s parents said she had spoken of her fears about the “Big Bang” experiment.

“Chayya had asked me a number of times whether the world would end as they were saying on television,” her father Bihari told the Hindustan Times.

“We tried to divert her attention and told her not to worry about any great disaster,” the Mail Today quoted him as saying.

The Mail said the local police inspector had raised doubts about the reasons for Chayya’s death and had vowed to investigate.

As sad as this is, I have to amusedly wonder what one has to lose if the world is going to end anyway? Why kill yourself when you’re convinced the entire world is going to be swallowed whole by a black hole? Dead is dead, ain’t it? And why choose certain-death over maybe-death?

A little forethought goes a long way…

Ah, the miracles of science. Putting humanity on the moon was small potatoes. If you want real miracles look no further. It is now possible to get your grandmother (or your wife’s grandmother, as the case may be) pregnant without fucking her. Yes, in years past if you wanted your grams to bear your offspring, a sweaty night in the sack was the only way to go about it. Now, thanks to the wonders of in-vitro fertilization, grandma-fucking is a thing of the past.

No guarantees that your circle of friends will speak to you afterwards, however. Just look at this recent example:

In a “miracle” that has stunned one of the world’s fastest-aging societies, a 61-year old Japanese woman has given birth to her own grandchild, sparking renewed calls for the entire process of surrogacy to be banned in Japan.

The unnamed woman, who is now thought to hold the record as the oldest Japanese woman ever to give birth successfully, undertook the controversial treatment at the Suwa Maternity Clinic – an institution that has already sparked fierce debate over the rights and wrongs of surrogate motherhood.

Despite the evident joy and relief of both mother and daughter, there remains a strong vein of disapproval over surrogacy in Japan: there is currently no legislation specifically outlawing the practice, but a panel convened by the government earlier in the year recommended an outright ban. It went further, demanding punishments for everyone involved in the surrogacy except the mother herself.

Japan’s first orbital laboratory has opened its’ doors…and you know what that means…

Okay, I’m going to ask our readership for a slight indulgence.

I know there are probably a few of you who are ready to permablock our site at the mere mention of Mr. Richard Dawkins. If you’re one of those people, then please just ignore this post and pretend you never saw it.

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If you’re like me, and you’ve always wanted to go ice-skating in the nude but can’t deal with the cold, Japan has just the solution…resin skating rinks!

As always, necessity is the mother of invention. Faced with an increasing demand for ice-skating rinks, but no place to put them, Japan has invented an ‘iceless’ skating surface that requires none of the overhead or gear to maintain a traditional ice-filled rink.

Hot damn…it just occurred to me…nude hockey! I’m so there…

I’m totally down with cloning. Seriously. I’ve always said that any technology that can make copies of Tyra Banks is okay in my book. And if it can do pets, well then you’re making kids and me happy. Or, better yet, how about a test-tube Tyra Banks pet? How’s that a bad thing?

Disgraced South Korean stem cell scientist Hwang Woo-suk has set up a bio-technology firm specializing in cloning pet animals, a scientist close to Hwang said Wednesday.

Hwang, whose breakthrough human cloning research was later proved to be faked, recently established a new research firm in Seoul, said Park Se-pill, a Cheju National University professor and well-known stem cell scientist. Park said he spoke with Hwang a few days ago.

“He told me that he needs foreign capital to continue his research, but it’s difficult to get it unless he sets up a new research institute and becomes its head,” Park said.