Here’s the thing: I don’t like kids. Or teenagers, really. I’m staring thirty in the face and I can’t relate to them anymore. Of course, in a few months I’m going to have to learn to relate to them, but even then my house won’t be filled with Dora the Explorer Mermaid Princess dolls or any of that crap- our kid will be raised on a steady diet of Dragonball Z and old Ralph Bakshi movies).

Unfortunately, the cast of Funimation’s Negima?! (methinks the interrobang could come in handy here) is composed almost entirely of teenage girls and one ten-year-old boy. So from the first I wasn’t well-disposed toward the series.

Negi Springfield is a child wizard prodigy. After he graduates early from his European wizard school, he has to complete a sort of residency in Japan. For some reason, this residency involves teaching at an exclusive, non-magical, all-girls’ middle school. Poor Negi not only has to deal with teaching thirty-one girls who are older than him, but he also has to live up to the reputation of his dead father, a legendary wizard known as the Thousand Master. Years ago the Thousand Master saved the world by sealing away a powerful vampire called Evangeline, so his shoes are pretty big.

Negi arrives in Japan with his sidekick, a talking ermine, and is ready to teach (what subject is never specified). He also has to hide his wizardly powers, under threat of getting in trouble with the Wizards’ Council and being turned into an animal. Too bad he screws up on day one when his student Asuna (lazy, dumb, perpetually late, heart of gold etc.) sees him commit a minor act of magic. She’s stunned enough to keep her mouth shut, but when she finds out Negi needs a magic partner so he can use his powers to their fullest potential, she’s all for volunteering, even if the partner contract involves kissing.

In the meantime, Negi also finds out that Evangeline was sealed by his father into this very boarding school, and she’s one of his students! Accompanied by her faithful robot servant (?), Evangeline is trapped in the body of a prepubescent girl, unable to leave the campus, and pissed off. Sucking Negi’s blood will break the seal, so when the full moon rises- the only time she has access to her former power- she sets out to suck him dry.

But Evangeline is a minor concern when someone steals the Star Crystal from the Wizards’ Academy where Negi graduated. The Star Crystal amplifies magical powers to an infinite degree, and was heavily guarded but still disappeared. It’s particularly dangerous in the hands of evildoers.

As weird things associated with the theft begin to happen, Negi finds himself needing more and more magical partners and systematically begins working his way through all thirty-one of his students. Evengeline begins to show herself to be a useful ally. But even as Negi scrambles to save the world, he takes time out to help his students with their teen-girl problems, including one girl who is a ghost.

Negima?! Season 2 is actually a revamp of the original anime, and not really a second season. This time around the writers decided to jettison the original’s vast amounts of fanservice in favor of concentrating on the magical aspects of the story. But here’s what happens when you take a show that is mostly fanservice and excise the fanservice: there’s nothing left. Oh, Negima?! tries for wacky comedy: robots, ghosts, a Chupacabra Research Society, Negi’s pal the dirty-minded ermine…the series attempts to be crazy and funny and offbeat. But in the end none of these elements can succeed in making the anime interesting. It’s obvious that none of these random things has any meaning. They’re simply there to take up space. Surprisingly little time is devoted to the main story. Much of each episode is taken up by robots, ghosts, fake chupacabras, girls squealing about something or other, Negi’s ermine talking trash, and the students giggling about how hot their ten-year-old teacher is (ew).

Negi’s students have a variety of personalities and quirks, but unfortunately there are just too many of them for the viewer to really get to know or care for any of the girls. Evangeline pouts and whines like a spoiled kid rather than a caged vampire. Negi, of course, is adorable and kind and courageous etc.

For some reason Funimation decided to replace the opening and ending themes with English versions. The English opening sounds better than the Japanese (though the lyrics are awkward) but the ending themes are identical except for language. Commissioning new theme songs seems an unnecessary expense, particularly since they didn’t bother to translate the credits.

The sub and dub casts both have their problems. In Japanese, some of the girls are unbearably shrill. But in English, Negi is annoyingly feminine. At least in the dub attention is paid to accents; characters who are British have corresponding British accents. The anime looks quite impressive, with a brilliant and varied palette.

I’m not what the intended demographic for Negima?! is. While it’s rated M, I didn’t see anything in this first collection that merited that sort of caution. The childish behavior of the characters and lack of fanservice will probably turn off adult viewers and older teens, but the rating ensures younger teens and kids won’t get to see it. This, like the show itself, is just lame and confusing.