Zookeepers at the Kushiro Municipal Zoo couldn’t figure out why two captive polar bears, Tsuyoshi and Kurumi, wouldn’t – you know…fuck. Turns out that both bears turned out to be female. Maybe they need to drop a couple of seasons of The L-Word in there…that would probably do the trick.

Wouldn’t produce any baby bears, though.

“Observing his behaviors, we got suspicious as to whether Tsuyoshi was really a male,” the zoo said in a statement Wednesday.

Experts say when polar bears are young, it is difficult to determine their sex because their long hair covers their reproductive organs. Tsuyoshi was determined to be male at 3 months old.

But earlier this month, the zoo put Tsuyoshi under an anesthetic and learned he was a she.

“I have mixed feelings considering the need for breeding,” said Yoshio Yamaguchi, head of the zoo.

I bet you do, Yoshio. I bet you do.